My Private Hell

sigh

2008-07-03T21:30:13Z

Naturally once I finally get the nerve to get out of my room my stupid abilities get messed up again.

Damnit.

In general

2008-07-01T19:52:56Z

Life has seemed to have calmed down a bit lately. I don't know if it's because of my meeting with Shiz - or maybe it's that my mind has been off of Muraki as he hasn't been around....or maybe it's seeing Tsuzuki again. I don't know what it is, but I feel more at ease.

That was sappy, which normally isn't like me. But I guess it's as I've been saying. Things are really weird.

And now I'm babbling, another thing that really isn't like me. I guess maybe I just need to get out. Due to my 'problem' I was unable to leave my dorm room for long periods of time...so maybe I've gone a little stir-crazy...but that doesn't sound right either. Maybe it's willingly being near Muraki again...~~Or these mixed emotions about seeing Tsuzuki~~ I don't know. Maybe I should hit up the town. A lot of people seem to like to go there to get their minds off things. Maybe it will help...

Bad feeling

2008-06-04T21:01:55Z

I had been hoping that decent sleep would make my uneasiness go away, but so far no luck. That coupled with the arrival of our new cooking/summoning teacher has put me on edge.

Also - to put rumors to rest - yes, Tsuzuki-sensei and I have worked together in the past. He taught at a local school and I was his teachers aid until I moved here. It was nothing more than that.

Speaking of which - it is nice to see you again.

In other news, I've felt ill for the past few days. I'm hoping that it's just a passing bug. Guy, thanks again for keeping Riko. Just let me know when you're going to send him back.

It's getting worse. Now instead of me...I keep seeing Tsuzuki...Tatsumi...Watari...everyone. It's still as vivid as it was that night, but it's just one of them in my place. And I can't do anything to stop it. Damn Muraki. I know he's causing this. I wish there was some way I could trap him in a corner, but he still hasn't done anything....

Yet Tsuzuki said that he was sent here because souls have failed to return after the attack on Fenrir Tower...

...could he have something to do with it?

......

.......

I didn't realize how much I missed Tsuzuki. I haven't seen him in the flesh yet, but maybe that's a good thing. I still don't completely trust myself around him.

Sleep

2008-05-24T18:15:00Z

Last night was the first night of decent sleep that I've gotten in weeks. Thanks again Guy. I hope Riko hasn't been causing you any trouble.

>.<;

2008-05-16T20:20:55Z

That's it, I'm throwing Riko away. I've had one too many nights without sleep because of his damned talking.

OOC: To Hisoka's roommates: Even though Riko can talk, only Hisoka can hear him as Riko is a Shikigami - to you he would seem a completely normal cactus.

Return, classwork, uneasy

2008-05-12T18:34:26Z

I got back to the school late last night. I hope I didn't wake anyone up, and if I did I'm sorry.

The trip was boring. I was hoping going back home would help me figure things out a little bit better, but all it did was confuse me more. On top of that I was unable to contact any of my friends (go figure).

But now I'm back and I have the daunting task of all my missed school work to keep me warm through the night. Oh goody goody. Maybe it's because I've been gone so long but returning here has made me feel uneasy, like something big is happening, or is going to happen.

Oh well, nothing I can do about it anyway.

I know I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up on being able to see everyone again. It was a one in a million chance that I'd even run into one of them, and even less of a chance that I'd still be able to see them. Still...

I don't know why it's bugging me this much. I was fine on my own before them.

Maybe it's because now I've tasted what friendship is actually like...

no, that sounds too sappy. And it's not like I can't make new friends. Then again, do I want to?

And why are my scares hurting again...

Muraki...what...what are you up to?

...

2008-04-25T21:20:08Z

Over the weekend I'm planning a trip back to Gaia. Kinda looking forward to going back...nothing really for me there but I think I need to get away from this place for a while.

Nothing really of note has happened to me since my last entry. I'm still plagued by my nightmares but as it's more of a nightly ritual it's nothing really new. Riko seems to be getting depressed, but nothing I seem to be doing is helping. Maybe he misses everyone back where we came from...

Where does Muraki keep going. I know that I said I was going to try and stop hounding him - but I can't bring myself to do it. But you know, every time I go to the infirmary the doctor is out and no one seems to know where to. I've looked in Dusk Village and everywhere in the school. Where the hell does he go?

Of the past few weeks

2008-04-11T19:29:15Z

Glad I wasn't in Fenrir Tower for one. I heard that some of the students actually got hurt. All I've heard really is that something attacked the school...and that it couldn't possibly be Muraki-sensei's doing.

I don't know, maybe I've been trying to hard.

I've had my thoughts on everything and I keep coming up with the same two possible reasoning's for why he's here.

Reason A. is my original thoughts on the matter. That for some reason Muraki decided to jump from Gaia to Terra in search of a more powerful host body for his stupid plans. To be honest at first I didn't mind as it meant he would be leaving Tsuzuki alone...but then the idea of someone having to lose their head for his mad idea just doesn't sit right with me, Tsuzuki aside.

But then the way he's acting, and the elapsed time just doesn't fit with what I'm used to. Plus I can't find his stupid brothers body (scratch that, head) anywhere.

Which brings us to Reason B. This is the idea that there might be two different Muraki's - one on Terra (the good one?) and one on Gaia (the evil one). But then that would mean there would be two of everyone...two of me for example. For some reason I just don't think that's right. Plus I'm having the same...reaction...to this Muraki as I was the other one, which makes me lean toward Reason A.

All that typing and still nothing makes any damned sense.

The only thing I can think of doing at this point is contacting JouOhChou and asking Watari or Tatsumi to look into it. The only problem with THAT is that those morons sent me to Terra instead of Gaia - so I'm bound to meet up with a shinigami I don't even know...that is if I can find someone who should be dead....or if I can even see them.

Wait...

What if I can't see them?

...will I never see them again...?

School, roommates, cactus

2008-02-23T22:59:57Z

School has been as boring as all of the other ones that I have attended. Dull to a T with nothing new really to learn. Ever since...that...class I've decided to skip first period, damn Vice Headmaster Muraki to hell. My other classes are going well, though - which I guess is okay. Still, I wish I didn't have to go to them at all.

In my spare time I've taken to exploring the buildings and grounds. This place seems much bigger when you're actually trying to look around, but I guess most places are like that. It forcibly reminds me of the time I spent on the Queen Camilla a while back. The ship from the outside looked average size, but when it came to looking around.

~~I wonder what's in the forest. It seems to be the only place I haven't looked yet...well, that and the infirmary.~~

Anyway, none of that is important.

Haku-san, Soren-san - sorry I haven't been around much. I guess I'm just trying to get used to the area. And especially sorry for the stupid cactus. I'm thinking of dropping Riko out of a third story window.

Got lost...again

2008-02-17T18:36:14Z

Does anyone know where I can get a map of this stupid school? I got lost for the third time today. And mysteriously enough I keep turning up around the doctor's office. >.< Joy of fucking joys.

Though I think I've been to every corner of the school by now... the empathy's not helping, I can tell you that much. >.< I'm constantly feeling as though there's a weight on my chest. Not to mention periodically I keep seeing this boy carrying about handfuls of little comic books. Annoying.

I've searched everywhere, and this seems to be a normal enough school. But it doesn't feel right. My curse won't stop burning....and the nightmares are getting worse.

I don't want to see that night again....

Muraki keeps playing it off like he doesn't know me. I guess that's okay...annoying, but okay. At least it means he's not got anything special planned for me...though I must admit, I would've loved to see his face when he found out I was alive again.

Private Entry

2008-02-15T19:38:44Z

....damn Muraki to hell. I know he realizes I'm here. I had a nightmare last night, and that was proof enough. I wish Watari could have figured out how to remove the curse - that way I wouldn't have to feel this...whatever it is. It's almost likely my skin is on fire. Damn him.

I can't believe that he's actually working at a school. Didn't that moron administrator do a background check? Than again, I doubt anything would come up. I would tell him myself if I actually thought he would believe.

Muraki has to be planning something....hopefully I can figure it out before the students here at the academy start dying off.

Heh, way to go Hisoka - bring the shinigami life with you even after you've been brought back to life.

I don't know what I can do...but there has to be something. I'll look into it.

Here...I guess...

2008-02-14T20:27:00Z

School again. Well I guess it could be worse. At least the idiot isn't teaching this time.

I only wish that Watari wouldn't have waited until after term had started to register me. I don't give a damn if he likes dramatic entrances - I don't. Oh well. Guess I'll start unpacking.

-edit-

Why the hell is he here?! Didn't Watari look at anything before he signed me up?! Damn him. It's too much to ask for that he'll not recognize me or just overlook me. Muraki doesn't work that way.